2021 has been a hell of a ride.

I mean, seriously.

The whole year was full of some extremely important decisions - both on a personal and a collective manner. Some worked well, some didn’t and right now it seems I’m at the point of no return. For such unfortunate events, it’s pretty well-known that grief is not the solution* since the past is gone. Quite simple, right?

Since I’m just a stupid human being for the most of the time, I cannot move forward while considering about my past. It’s often a nice activity to think about the things that are happened and observe a few points to not to make same mistakes again. The problem is, it doesn’t work, and the old me never comes back. Not a super observation, I know. However, I wasn’t aware of how much it was (and it is) dragging me down in a normal day.

It was that morning at a fantastic hotel that I spend a few days alone - I just woke up, went to the bathroom, had a look at the mirror… and stopped for a while. Not sure how many seconds I’ve wasted, but certainly that was the moment. That was the moment of me seeing mood swing was not temporary, and I was stuck despite feeling well. It’s going up, up, and up - actually just driving in circles as if it’s a Shepard Tone. May also be the urge of death but we will talk about it later.

Anyways.

2021 was a wild ride. Pretty sure 2022 will be a wild ride as well. I will simply spend 75% of my time by reading aeon and staring at the ceiling and thinking again.

Best,

None.

\* As I’m typing these letters, I’m dealing with one due to the loss of a person I know but this is not what we are talking about.