When Konrad pulled the trigger, what did his wife think at her last moment?

It’s been a while since I’ve asked this to myself. Yet another question of these days was also a challenging one: Would she kill herself if Konrad gave her the weapon?

Although it’s not a perfect question in many aspects, it created the environment for the touchdown: Does suicide hurt someone more than a usual death, in a sentimental manner?

Holy trio strikes back, I guess. Old ideas are just around since his death. Yes, I was not a friend of him nor I knew him well. Still, it hurt. I mean, it hurt way more then what I expected at the moment I read it first. Two consecutive deaths in a week, grieve was there, quite normal. I handled it well, that’s OK as well. Or, I thought I handled well - becuase here we are.

Pretty sure old me* would just take all of these as stupid jokes, denying the obvious underlying fear, mocking and annoying all around. Drinking the milk made me a wise man, for sure. Is it the milk?

It’s the choices. Choices with consequences. Choices with effects, with crucial effects. Choices affecting others. Choices with explosions.

It’s the overchoice. All with ambiguities in darkness. Each has its own path with no light, which basically kills any ambition. Basically, I’m hiding almost every detail as there’s no benefit of telling them. Some know a few topics, that’s it. Will be more fucked up if I tell them. Just imagine the new paths they will open in my mind. Building new highways without lamps.

So yes, I do not prefer the show it. The thing is, I do show them. Hiding does not help. I do not have any vision on any path, someone could at least give a shot to enlighten encourage me. I need some. Will I get one? Probably not.

Could you design a search algorithm for me, please?

This might be the end.

\* What separates old & new me is my music taste and trust me, it’s huge. You should give a try - you’ll love it.