People try to position themselves in a way that it matches with their interests. If you are an extravert (or a natural leader), it is more often than not what you talk gathers attention all around you. On the other hand, introverts (or the people who simply do not care about attracting others around them) generally try to enjoy the silliness that extraverts create.
As an obsessive daydreamer, I usually find myself in situations in which I try to predict the outcomes of my actions in communities. This simply stems from me being (quite) an extravert - I do not recall a time in which I’ve had struggles to make friends in my life. Of course, as rightfully deserved, there were some periods that I prefered to be alone with my thoughts - comeback was quite easy everytime.
A couple billion years ago, when I was at top of my form of narrating & humiliating people all around, a friend (?) of mine called me as an attention seeker (in a profane way). At that time, I felt like she was really exaggerating - we were not having the best conversations, especially if it was about ideologies. Plus, I was going through deep thoughts. Reading stuff such as Durkheim’s Suicide, analyzing lots of data and articles, it was a strange period of time of me talking about death mostly.* Years later now, I understand the reason behind her comments. While I still believe that it wasn’t the best of comments (or compliments), she had every right to call me like that.
I was (probably) very annoying - finding every mistake of others around and using these to hold them down. Whether it was about beliefs, school or life; I didn’t hold it back to anyone. Although it was sort of an escape mechanism from what some great trajectories of my life, pretty sure others didn’t like that.
I was also very active everywhere. Taking responsibilities in almost every event, talking with almost every person at school about any topic (whether I had any knowledge or not) to show off. You could see me jumping from one corner to another, no matter where it leads. This does not mean that I was losing it - I was also judging every move after every jump. Every movement, every word, every idea.
What’s more, I was having debates for the sake of having debates. Luckily, I have a nice ability to orchestrate my words while talking. I do like to use debates as a way to know people. It’s best to know them when they are angry and defendless in general, so I was just throwing a controversial topic in the middle and watching them going crazy. Not for so long though, it is also crucial to have people in short leash. As you see the edges inside them, it’s much more easy to manage as the worst is known. Bounds are set, you are free and you are the boss.
Nonetheless, this freedom grants you one of the most silly dillemmas one can face: You lose the freedom of talking about your problems. In general, it starts to feel like you are losing your ground when you are talking about your problems with someone you know. When I discussed this phonemenon with others, I couldn’t convince them. To them (and billions), actions like this helps people to relax as an attribute of human nature. However, when I do this, the person I’m talking to learns one more detail about me. One more detail, one more weakness, one more vulnerability.
It may sound pretty evil - not sure. I’ll be back to this later. I need more time.
27.03.2021
\* I do not see a footnote in the original text - thus I’m not adding anything extra.
\\ I’d check the grammar normally but this is an old one - and the respect, indeed, is a virtue.